The impossible dream

As a result of my Spanish classes, I'm beginning to watch English movies based on Spain/ LA. Last week I saw 'The Man of La mancha' based on the novel 'El ingenioso hidalgo don Quijote de la Mancha' by Cervantes. Very inspiring lyrics, from the movie -

To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ...
To right ... the unrightable wrong ...
To love ... pure and chaste from afar ...
To try ... when your arms are too weary ...
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

This is my quest, to follow that star ...
No matter how hopeless, no matter how far ...
To fight for the right, without question or pause ...
To be willing to march into Hell, for a Heavenly cause ...

And I know if I'll only be true, to this glorious quest,
That my heart will lie will lie peaceful and calm,
when I'm laid to my rest ...
And the world will be better for this:
That one man, scorned and covered with scars,
Still strove, with his last ounce of courage,
To reach ... the unreachable star ...

Fighting my toughest enemy

My worst and the toughest enemy to fight so far has been - my anger. I'm in a war with it from the time I can remember. Of all the battles fought, most of it is won by anger to my greatest regret. I have of course won a few battles, but it is nothing compared to numbers anger has won against me. Now, I'm determined to win the WAR. I'm noting a few things that could help me, as a self reminder in this war....

1. Every time anger is about to attack, breath deeply.

2. Chant a mantra. Till control is mine.

3. Laugh. Instead of getting anger, laugh - "oh my God! Life can be like this also!!"

These are ones that will help. I hope to add to the list as and when I learn of a new technique. This is it for now.

3 years completed

Today we are celebrating our 3 years of togetherness... its our wedding anniversary!
I can't believe it is 3 years. We are still learning things about each other... I guess the process never ends. Intial months of adjustment is tough but the fruit of it is really sweet.
I feel so special when he remembers something I like that I would have just mentioned carelessly. With a little sour, salty, sweet experiences.... life is beautiful after marriage!

My Dad dearest!

When someone asks me a question like - Where is your Dad? What does he do? Or Is Mr. Baba there? I always get a lump in my throat and words fail to come out. Barely audible will be my reply... whatever reply it is. Which is almost all the time encountered with "aahh??". Making me repeat myself.
I can't some how bring myself to say he has expired, even after 6+ years. I still feel him around me. I never ever want to say he has left us. He is there with me in my actions, in my success, in my life. He is there for me always, so what if he is not in flesh and blood.
I keeping thinking of the funny stuff he use to say, the way he use to laugh and make me laugh, the way he use to dance to make me smile when I was angry, the way he use to correct me when I was wrong, the way he use to bare with my innumerable pranks I played, the way I use to mess his hair when he was getting dressed for office, the way we fought over the right usage of English, the way we discussed things, the way we lived..... Now when I think of them tears fill my eyes.
In dreams, I usually see my Dad, the jolly fellow he was. Most of the times, the dreams seem so real that I feel this reality is the dream and my dream as reality.
I have still not been able to overcome that tragedy of my life. I still cannot believe what happened 6 years back. I still want to believe that he will come back one day and say "Nithyu" and all these years that I lived so far will be a bad dream and I will wake up to see my papa's loving face. I wish!
I miss you sometimes but I love you always, papa.

An Evil eye

Mom bought black beads bangles for Medha so that any evil eye that falls on her is grabbed by this black-bead bangle. Well, I somehow can't bring myself to believe all this 'evil eye', 'drusti' stuff. Also, I prefer to call it negatives.

But, after an incident that happened two days ago, I kind of think may be there is such a thing.

Well, what happened two days ago was a neighbor visited us. It was the first time she came over to see Medha since Medha's birth seven months ago. She was hit by a tragedy at around the same time Medha was born so she had been recovering from that.

It was a cold, rainy day. She commented that being a new mother I was suppose to be keeping myself warm, wear socks and slippers. I just smiled at the comment.

Later, a little while after she left, my throat started itching, I had initial signs of wheezing. Maybe it was because of the lady's comment. I asked mom to clean my aura using Pranic healing. Hard to believe all those signs just vanished. I was amazed.

Call it games of the brain, coincidence or whatever,but I believe it could be effect of the negatives!!