Fighting my toughest enemy

My worst and the toughest enemy to fight so far has been - my anger. I'm in a war with it from the time I can remember. Of all the battles fought, most of it is won by anger to my greatest regret. I have of course won a few battles, but it is nothing compared to numbers anger has won against me. Now, I'm determined to win the WAR. I'm noting a few things that could help me, as a self reminder in this war....

1. Every time anger is about to attack, breath deeply.

2. Chant a mantra. Till control is mine.

3. Laugh. Instead of getting anger, laugh - "oh my God! Life can be like this also!!"

These are ones that will help. I hope to add to the list as and when I learn of a new technique. This is it for now.

3 years completed

Today we are celebrating our 3 years of togetherness... its our wedding anniversary!
I can't believe it is 3 years. We are still learning things about each other... I guess the process never ends. Intial months of adjustment is tough but the fruit of it is really sweet.
I feel so special when he remembers something I like that I would have just mentioned carelessly. With a little sour, salty, sweet experiences.... life is beautiful after marriage!

My Dad dearest!

When someone asks me a question like - Where is your Dad? What does he do? Or Is Mr. Baba there? I always get a lump in my throat and words fail to come out. Barely audible will be my reply... whatever reply it is. Which is almost all the time encountered with "aahh??". Making me repeat myself.
I can't some how bring myself to say he has expired, even after 6+ years. I still feel him around me. I never ever want to say he has left us. He is there with me in my actions, in my success, in my life. He is there for me always, so what if he is not in flesh and blood.
I keeping thinking of the funny stuff he use to say, the way he use to laugh and make me laugh, the way he use to dance to make me smile when I was angry, the way he use to correct me when I was wrong, the way he use to bare with my innumerable pranks I played, the way I use to mess his hair when he was getting dressed for office, the way we fought over the right usage of English, the way we discussed things, the way we lived..... Now when I think of them tears fill my eyes.
In dreams, I usually see my Dad, the jolly fellow he was. Most of the times, the dreams seem so real that I feel this reality is the dream and my dream as reality.
I have still not been able to overcome that tragedy of my life. I still cannot believe what happened 6 years back. I still want to believe that he will come back one day and say "Nithyu" and all these years that I lived so far will be a bad dream and I will wake up to see my papa's loving face. I wish!
I miss you sometimes but I love you always, papa.

An Evil eye

Mom bought black beads bangles for Medha so that any evil eye that falls on her is grabbed by this black-bead bangle. Well, I somehow can't bring myself to believe all this 'evil eye', 'drusti' stuff. Also, I prefer to call it negatives.

But, after an incident that happened two days ago, I kind of think may be there is such a thing.

Well, what happened two days ago was a neighbor visited us. It was the first time she came over to see Medha since Medha's birth seven months ago. She was hit by a tragedy at around the same time Medha was born so she had been recovering from that.

It was a cold, rainy day. She commented that being a new mother I was suppose to be keeping myself warm, wear socks and slippers. I just smiled at the comment.

Later, a little while after she left, my throat started itching, I had initial signs of wheezing. Maybe it was because of the lady's comment. I asked mom to clean my aura using Pranic healing. Hard to believe all those signs just vanished. I was amazed.

Call it games of the brain, coincidence or whatever,but I believe it could be effect of the negatives!!

the rain drop story

The drop of rain was up somewhere in some cloud... looking down from the cloud.... the drop saw the beautiful earth... it focused on a pond with one blooming lotus and the leaf beside it.... while the rain drop was admiring it.... a strong wind blew from nowhere.... the rain drop tripped and fell from the cloud like the few others... not all drops fell... a lot of them succeeded to clung on to the cloud...

While the raindrop was on its route to hit the earth... it prayed that it falls on the lotus it was admiring from above... its prayers was almost answered... it fell on the tip of one of the petal and slid down to the leaf beside... resting on the leaf... it looked at the lotus and then at the pond... it thought... so what if I did not get to stay on the lotus atleast i'm not among the million of water drops... it felt privileged to stay on the lotus leaf... even the leaf was kind to it... the raindrop moved all about the leaf... it liked the leaf... for all the time it stayed on the leaf... it liked the leaf a lot...

The leaf let the drop to stay on it... like it would have any drop to stay on it... without being attached to it... just enjoying the company... it liked the company of the raindrop... and told the same to the raindrop...

The raindrop became too attached and possessive about the leaf... it realized this when another raindrop fell on the leaf... and the leaf treated it with the same affection as it treated the first raindrop... our dear raindrop did not know what to do... it felt restricted... it felt the leaf was avoiding it.... it was wishing to push the other raindrop into the pond... and acquire the command over the leaf... but didn't dare to do it... what if the leaf disapproves of the act?? - was the thought it had...

It lived on like this as long as it could.... then it asked the leaf if the leaf could hold the raindrop forever.... the leaf answered that it can hold no one... it can just be with the raindrop as long as it could stay on the leaf... the leaf added " I never let go of anyone, everyone leaves me".... to this the naive raindrop thought till the sun comes and dries me... I will stay with the leaf...

After a little while, two more drops of rain fell on the leaf... this again made our raindrop sad... it started feeling insignificant... it thought... 'I wanted to stay on the leaf so that I could feel the worth of my existence.. but now, I see no difference in sticking on to the leaf and being one among the million water drops....

Feeling grateful for the time spent with the leaf... the raindrop slipped from the unperturbed leaf to the pond and got lost among the millions of other waterdrops.